I want to focus this segment the Kingdom Laws of Relationships All of us in this room have some family who is divorced all of us i’m being presumptuous or maybe even you yourself is a victim of divorce so our relationships are really not isolated they affect everybody when a person goes through a relationship problem it’s not a private issue, it’s a family affair. our relationships must manifest the laws and the lifestyle of our kingdom in the kingdom of God there’s no divorce. If you’re going to have a successful relationship in the Kingdom of God, the most important thing you need is not love. write this down, love does not keep marriage together. stop letting people fool you with love whatever they mean by that. don’t marry a person because of love. are you shocked yet? everybody in this room who’s been divorced will tell you they began their relationship with what they call love but the love didn’t hold out. so love doesn’t keep it together 97% of all the people that I’ve counseled in my office for the last 30 years with marital problems with the paper in their hand ready to sign it to get a divorce, all of them say “I still love you but we can’t live together.” “I still love her, but i can’t stand her.” we are confused. the two words don’t go together i love you but don’t want to live with you. what we’re saying is my feelings towards the person is intact but my ability to be in the same room is wanting i don’t have the skills to live in the same home so don’t ever get married because of love i know that sounds strange but that’s your problem. life is complicated. if you abuse the appetite of your stomach and you keep eating things that are not good for your body or eat too much of anything then you literally kick in destruction in your body. if you abuse and mismanage the appetite of sex you walk around with destruction you have mental memories you wish you could forget. psychological problems with 10 people you slept with now you try to get rid of their memories or maybe even contracted some disease. maybe you are caught up in pornography and now you try to get married and you want your spouse to do the same things you saw in those pictures. you are destroying your marriage. it’s destructive. and so it says if your god is your appetite then destruction is your destiny. and their glory is their shame. their mind is what – on earthly things, worldly systems. Here’s where the kingdom says you should get married found in Proverbs chapter 24 verse 3 it says “By wisdom a house is built, and through what – understanding it is established; and through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasure.” now that’s an idiom again in Hebrew It means it’s a nice place to be all the time every room feels like a beautiful place that is lovely you just want to stay home. a lot of people who are married can’t wait to leave home and going home is a stressful experience. the next verse says what “a wise man has great power and a man of knowledge increases strength.” when you have wisdom you’ve got the word power means the ability to handle things you can live together effectively, if you got what – wisdom. and then if you have knowledge it says you handle your house with strength, you’re not afraid, you’re not weak you know what to do when problem arise. i want to break you 3 words down for you very quickly, number 1 you begin first of all with knowledge. knowledge is information. if you’re going to have a successful relationship, with anybody, i’m not just talking about married people with anybody, you need to get knowledge -you need information sometimes we encourage you to go buy books and we say go buy this set of cd’s and people think we trying to make money see those books are 45 years of my life of research and study and living with my wife for 31 years and it cost you twenty bucks. twenty dollars for 40 years of my life that’s cheap and it could save your life if you read it but you walk right past the bookstore as if you know everything and you got stress in your marriage you don’t need prayer you need information. people come to me all the time and say all the time you know i’m having problems with my relationship..my wife my husband got a problem can you pray for me? i’m sitting there going no i want to give you 5 books to read so bad but i know you are lazy you know what we want God to do..work magic prayer does not cancel ignorance. no matter how much i pray for you it doesn’t fix your marriage. you need skills, you need knowledge you need principles, you need to understand human nature. these things gotta be learned. the average man in this room knows nothing about women. guaranteed. i’m still trying to figure out my wife and its 31 years so you gotta learn, you gotta study. and i’m telling you 95% of women in this room know nothing about a man nothing i’m telling you. i was talking to a lady the other day and i was thinking she doesn’t understand her husband you gotta get knowledge the next time someone tells you they love you ask them how much you know? how many books you read to prepare yourself to talk to me? because i’m in danger if you are ignorant. now here’s the problem, he’s ignorant, you’re ignorant and both of you got married that’s a foolish relationship and then we say what “forever” we commit forever. forever? you can last until after the honeymoon night then there’s gonna be some fighting the second one is what – understanding understanding is comprehension. that means that you comprehend the information this is why I teach so much to you i don’t want you just to hear me, i want you to understand the Word of God. because you cannot do number 3 if you don’t know number 2. and number 3 is wisdom. wisdom is application. you cannot apply what you do not understand and you cannot understand what you do not know. stop trying to make the Holy Ghost your spouse. Jesus said the Holy Spirit will guide you into all truth and He will bring to your remembrance the things you learned. now this is the problem i thought the Holy Spirit used to tell me things i thought He would give me information that’s not what Jesus said. He said He will live in you and He will bring to your remembrance what you learned so He’s down in there looking for stuff to try to solve your problems He cannot find anything He cant find no information here you are got this problem, about to get a divorce and He says look i’m trying to help you but I cannot find nothing cuz you didn’t put nothing in here you cannot apply what you do not understand and you cannot understand what you do not what – know being old doesn’t mean you are wise being old means you old that’s all. there’s some old dumb people in other words age doesn’t mean wisdom. that is found in Job the young man who is the one that really got through to Job was the young one who said I kept quiet because i though age should speak he said but then when i heard the foolishness of the aged ones i decided to speak, and his wisdom was the one Job decided to listen to not because somebody is 42 years old and wink at you, does it mean they are a candidate for marriage. i’m telling you. let me tell you what old people are they are full of regrets. they call regrets wisdom you know what regret is? an experience you wish you never had. we need to be careful. there’s no substitute for knowledge. a lot of people in my experience over the years in relationships got a divorce not because they didn’t know… i taught them for years but they didn’t apply, they didn’t listen they didn’t use the information properly. that’s called foolish. a smoking doctor is a fool. so we need to apply truth and then write this point down it’s very important truth is literally defined as original information. now this is very important because sometimes truth become buried in nebulous we don’t understand. you know when Christ says “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life” what He meant was “I am the way to the original truth that gives you life.” truth is always from the source. anything other than the source is an opinion. think about it here’s how cookbooks are made up. you got a photograph on the right and a recipe on the left. we don’t never look at the left, we just look at the picture we love the picture. the problem is we do the same thing in our relationships. every woman in this room has in her head the perfect marriage picture. they meet this guy, he’s 6 feet 2, driving a fantastic bmw, he’s walking with a 3 piece suit with a briefcase, he’s making $600,000 a year, got a house by the beach well dressed, and he is sharp and he is proposing to you and you said yes, and both of you got married 500 people in attendance, every the limousine you got this picture don’t you? come on say amen don’t lie to me and you got this image this photograph in your mind of you going to that church marching up, getting married, kiss him, throwing the rice, going on honeymoon, coming back and getting back to that house, having 3 little kids walking around wanting to garden together, he’s painting and you’re working and the kids are playing around you and you take your evening walks by the beach every evening go jogging in the morning, go to work, and you have this photograph before you go to bed, he kisses you and prays for you. that’s the cake you’re looking at. what you don’t look at is the other page. the picture is the result of a process don’t you dare walk down an aisle believing the picture is waiting for you as you walk down that aisle that could be a nightmare in a suit. that picture in that cookbook is the result of a long process. write this down, the picture is a promise. when you open a cookbook and you look at the picture, the author is promising you something he’s saying i promise you this picture if you follow the page you don’t like. there are many in this room, who got a picture of the perfect wife. Every morning she wake up she looks like Queen Esther he never sees her in rollers, he don’t wanna see her in no duster dragging no slippers, he only sees her perfect he sees a woman who is waiting at the door when he comes home, with the food already ready he sees her standing there with a model look like “hi baby welcome home hi there” he has the picture of this woman who takes off his shoes from a long days work and hands him the newspaper and says baby gone head and read while i just heat the food up he has this photograph in his mind of this woman who just kisses him on the forehead and says “you’re such a good man, thank you for being such a good worker for my kids” he has the picture of this woman who is always ready for sex, all the time. and our problem is, we get married to people and we demand the picture. and this person has no idea how to produce that picture for you. here’s why the key to the cake is 2 things the ingredients and the recipe. the recipe is how things should happen in sequence the ingredients are the components that make up the recipe. all of them are necessary to produce the product. that photograph in your head is complicated. i heard a guy say one time he said “marriage is wonderful, it’s the living together that is hell” that’s what he means. the photograph is beautiful but the process is not easy now, so if you want to have the results you have to follow the recipe and have the right ingredients.
i remember one time i was baking and the cake called for a couple of things i didn’t have. when the cake came out it was hard as rock. it never rose. I became angry at the oven, i became angry at the fire, angry at the kitchen, angry at the pan it was in, angry at the cake. that’s what we do. we become angry at the result we’re getting, but not taking responsibility for what we failed to put in. there was nothing wrong with that recipe, i decided to put in what i feel like and ignored the manufacture. that’s what we keep doing in relationships. so relationships are just like cakes. they are only as good as the ingredients. write this down if you want the cake, you must follow the recipe and you must use the ingredients specified by the recipe. if your cake is soggy, don’t blame the cake cakes don’t put sog in themselves if your relationship ain’t working out, don’t blame your spouse there’s something you ain’t putting in either and you see sometimes these married folks who don’t know nothing about cake, they don’t know what they doing, they just like you it is better to be happy alone than to be depressed in a prison called a relationship.
the cake is a result of putting different ingredients together in one place. that’s the cake. so the cake is nothing more than the ingredient. the heat, Lord have mercy, is the world you live in. the pressure you’re under the stress that life brings. and when the heat is on, you’re supposed to turn into a nice cake. in other words, when the life hits you, you ain’t supposed to collapse and fall apart the pressure is supposed to make you into a beautiful result that’s the heat of life. but if you don’t have the right ingredients the heat will turn you into a dumb bread nobody wants to eat you, nobody wants to learn from you, nobody wants to follow you, they can’t even enjoy you because you are not tasteful. your rooms are not wonderful treasure. so when you meet somebody and they claim they have an interest study what kind of ingredient they are and that may take you 2 years to figure out at least 10% because everyone is lying when they like you. let me say it again when people like you they lie. that’s why when you find someone that’s interested in you, put them on trial i don’t trust you yet, i can put you on trial. now when someone is on trial, they make the worst witness. anybody who’s on trial should not be able to witness because they gone defend themselves my feet don’t ever stink, my breath is always sweet, they gone lie so what do you do? you bring other witnesses who know them to testify on their behalf. bring their mother, talk to the mother talk to the father, talk to the sister who slept with her for 20 years in the house, talk to the brother that knows him very well that’s who you talk to, you don’t talk to the person our problem is we keep talking to the person “i love you’ “i love you too” “you there” “yeah i still there” “it’s 2 o’clock” “I know but i don’t wanna hang up yet”
This is not courtship, it’s manipulation. please make a note of this its very important the most important relationship in life is not inTER personal relationships, but it’s what – inTRA personal relationship. it’s more important for you to know yourself to know other people. you don’t need another person in your life yet, you need you in your life first. the average person don’t know who they are themselves so you need to really develop a relationship with the most important person in your life – and it’s you. a lot of people like to be with people because they don’t wanna be with themselves. if you are the worst company to you, why should you want me to be with you? Let me say it again. if you don’t like you, why you want me to like you? if you can’t stand being with you, why do you want me to be with you forever? this is why a person who is a good person to marry is somebody who aint interested. this is why i tell people if someone say to you “I need you” run! run as fast as you can they about to become a parasite. we walk around they talking about “I need you” that’s a serious thing can you imagine telling someone that? you telling them that they control you. you don’t want no one around you like a leech. sucking your life out of you, sucking on you, sucking everything outta you you want somebody who can give life to you .
share. and this is why we have so much stress in our relationships. people walk around because they don’t like themselves, so they like to be with you all the time. “where you going? where you going again?’ “you know what time it is, you mean again[?] where you going?” “you aint gotta work every night, where you going?” if you enjoy yourself by yourself take yourself to lunch and tell them you want a table with one chair, what makes you attractive is the fact that you are lovable, and your love is shown by your love for yourself. know yourself get to fall in love with yourself, then i believe i can stay with you. let me give you another thought, the most important person you should desire to know is yourself. we try to spend time get to know people and we never know who we are. know your idiosyncrasies, know your weaknesses, know your strengths, know your purpose, know your mission in life, know your dreams, know your vision, know what your assignment is in life, know yourself! because knowledge of self will determine how you choose relationships. if i know where i want to go in life, i know who i don’t wanna be with if i know what my vision is, i know who can’t help me get there. so knowing yourself regulates who you allow into your life at different levels. you know there’s some folks who will come into your life and kill your dream. some of y’all got a big dream until you meet a bum. it’s incredible! we don’t know who we are, so we pick up anybody. choose your relationships based on your destination. not everybody who smiles at you and say they love you is a blessing. and some of you have experienced this. i noticed it’s rough to deal with these kinds of subjects but you know some of you’ve been divorced, you looking back and you go ah oh boy it was too late, but i discovered this person didn’t have what i have. if i was passionate and had dreams they didn’t have the same passion for life. but you know God is a good God, He’s a God of second chances you can start again, after you get knowledge of… and then you do it right and believe me, the more knowledge you get the more difficult it is to find somebody. let me say it slow. the more knowledge you get the more difficult it is to find somebody because you got sense now. some of you are saying “Pastor Myles I cannot find no one to marry” i don’t blame you. i know its tough and some folks have given in. and they regret it. when you lower your standard, you can never lift it up again. that’s tough, because sometimes you begin to get desperate, and then you start thinking, “well you know, I need to do something fast” and believe me fast is fast food is always cheap. self knowledge is the key to all relationships. all of them, not just marriage. when you know yourself, you also know who you should associate with. even as associates, you need to know who you’re supposed to be with who will be a contribution to your life. i can’t keep company with every pastor, some of them can’t dream what i’m dreaming or think like i think so i can’t keep company with them we are acquainted and we talk, but as far as friends, and there are some people who i will never be around for more than 5 minutes because they too negative. i’m a positive man. i got big dreams for God i know where i’m going in life, and i ain’t got time to waste time with you trying to abort my dream. so i choose my friends based on my destiny. i know myself so i choose my relationship based on who i know i am and what i want to achieve in life. you should never just hang out. you gotta choose where you want to go first, then choose those associates that can get you there. here’s a verse that we probably misunderstand. Matthew chapter 22: “The key to self love is loving God but also your mind, your strength why when you study God, investigate God, get to know God’s qualities, His nature, all of His characteristics, guess what you discover yourself, because you are also in God’s image. so you begin to find out who you are when you study God, and you fall in love with yourself because the goodness you see in God you see in yourself. that’s why i love myself so much. it’s too late no matter what you think about me, i love me. ok get over it, im not posting, i love me. your opinions doesn’t touch my love for me. because i am made in Gods image. i am just like my Father, i have His nature, His qualities, His characteristics, i have His worth. I am just like my Father God i know who i am. you can never touch the value I have on my life. i know who i am so much that you can never devalue me. don’t waste your breath, don’t waste your opinions on me. i love me. Now why is that important? He says because I can only love you to the same degree i love me. the principle here is this: it is more important to love you than to love me and that’s your problem. don’t just learn truth you have to apply it. and if you’re gonna be successful in life, you must apply the truth.