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Calling in the One: How to Attract You Ideal Lover | Katherine Woodward Thomas

Calling in the One: How to Attract You Ideal Lover | Katherine Woodward Thomas

The most important thing is you must align
your vision with the self of your future fulfilled. We cannot receive into our lives that
which is inconsistent with our identity to have. We absolutely can’t. So about 25 years ago,
I was a graduate student, I was getting my master’s degree in
clinical psychology, and I was incredibly shy. I was shy in the way where it made it hard
to look people directly in the eyes. And at the time, I was kind of a starving
student. I was living hand to mouth. I had had a modestly successful career as
a singer, and I think the word successful, I’m using it in the most generous term of
the word. I had founded or co-founded a nonprofit
organization that was doing work with the homeless. But I was still struggling,
I was still trying to find myself, really. And in the midst of this,
I started to feel intuitively that somewhere in the future,
that I was going to be speaking to thousands of people. Now, this didn’t make any
sense to me at all. The gap was so severe,
I was actually confused by that kind of premonition. So, I called my mom. And I said, “Mom, I think I’m going to be
speaking to thousands of people.” And this is when I learned the lesson that
if life is giving you the seeds of a vision, and they’re emerging in the
depths of your being, you probably don’t want to call your
family and tell them about it. Because my mom said to me, “Well,
what the hell are you going to be talking about?” Because we’re from New York. And I didn’t know how to answer that
question. I certainly had no level of mastery over
any area of my life. I was still kind of struggling, you know,
and trying to figure it out, and I certainly never dreamed that I’d be
speaking about love because that part of my life was just a disaster. And yet, I kept having this feeling that I
was going to be a teacher. And I would elevate, and educate,
and inspire people. The one thing that I did know about this
is that if this was the future that was possible for me,
that I should probably become a person who actually had something
valuable to say. And that I should probably focus on
becoming a person who is trustworthy with that kind of power,
the power to influence people. And that I should certainly become the
kind of person who could actually look people in the eyes when I spoke to them. And so this kind of became my North Star,
this possible future that I had no particulars about what that might even
look like. And I began to hold myself accountable for
being who I might need to be in order to fulfill upon that future. And so I up-leveled my game. And I started to really take my spiritual
path much more seriously. And I started to take my psychological
development much more seriously. I started to hold myself accountable and
measure all of my actions and my choices against this possible future. I forgave people, I chose the high road,
I made amends wherever I could. I began to keep my word. I began to study more diligently. And all inside of becoming the person I
might need to be, to one day stand in front of thousands of people and have
the opportunity to speak. And I even worked with my physicality. So I would be walking down the street in
the morning and I’d think to myself, “Well, how would a world leader of love
and light walk down the street?” And I’d stand a little taller,
and I’d walk a little, you know, more straight up. And then I’d walk into the local Starbucks
and I’d ask myself, “Well, how would a world leader order her morning
coffee?” And I’d look the barista straight in the
eye and I’d say, “I’ll take a tall Americano, please,”
in this very noble way. And see, it was that future that actually
began to give who I was being in the present. And I just wanted to tell you that because
I’m having a moment right now. Because between us right here and all of
our friends on the live stream, I am indeed, experiencing the fulfillment
of that possible future that I’ve been working for, for so many years. And I am indeed… Ah, thank you. And I am indeed here to talk to
you about love. So, whether you are in a place where you
yourself want to crawl into one, or I saw a lot of you raise your hands
that you’re in a relationship. So whether you want to elevate the
connection that you have with the one, or whether you’re just with someone and
you don’t really know if it’s the one. Or if you have something else entirely on
your mind today. You’re standing for a miracle
in your health. You’re standing for a breakthrough
in finances. You’re standing for causing
something of beauty in the world. And there’s a gap right now between your
experience of life and where you feel called to go. I just want to invite you to put that at
stake in this conversation, and to bring it here,
and to apply what I’m saying to your circumstance. So my own miracle in love began 20 years
ago, really, maybe 20 years and six months ago, to be exact. And it started with where all miracles
start, which is that I had no chance in hell of this ever happening. And I was 41 at the time,
and I had never been married, and this was a source of great
disappointment to me because I had longed for a partner, I longed for family,
I wanted to have a child. And so I was kind of adjusting myself and
trying to make the best of it, but I felt very disappointed. And I was fortunate enough at the time to
be a part of this circle of people who were setting intentions and holding those
intentions with and for each other. Now, because this is 20 years ago,
we actually didn’t know the research on it because the research came later. But I want to tell you that Princeton
University has come out with a study, that when bonded groups of people are
holding an intention together, that it’s six times more likely to happen
than if you’re just holding it on your own. So I just validated you taking all this
time to come and be with your friends at Mindvalley, and sharing your visions
and your intentions with each other. So this is what we were
doing in this group. And mostly, people were focused on…they
wanted to double their income or they wanted to buy a house,
and they were manifesting these things. But I wanted to call in love. So I called a friend from this group. And I was kind of fueled because I was
coming off yet another failed love affair. I had had…it wasn’t like no one was
showing up in my life. I had, you know, relationship after
relationship after relationship, and unfortunately, they were always
impossible relationships. I had a pattern of attracting unavailable
people. So like married men, engaged men,
commitment phobic men, alcoholic men, workaholic men, gay men who wanted to
explore had a thing for me. So I’d had just yet another
disappointing love affair, and I called up my friend Naomi. And I said, “Naomi, I’m going to set an
outrageous intention. I’m going to be engaged by my 42nd
birthday.” That was eight months out. I had no possibility for a partner
in my life. And she said something that really changed
my life. She said, “Katherine,
I’m going to hold that intention with you and for you, if you give me permission to
hold you accountable to being the woman that you would need to be to have that
happen.” And in that moment, my whole worldview
just shifted, because rather than, you know, running out frantically to try
and find love to meet that deadline, I turned my whole attention towards
myself, to identify and release any hidden internal barriers that I had not been
aware of until that point. I took full responsibility for myself as
the source of my experience. And once I shifted my attention toward
seeing myself as the source, all sorts of things began to be revealed. Every morning, I would sit on my
meditation cushion and I would imagine that future as though it were already
happening now. And I’d put it into my body,
what does it feel like to have that person’s hand on the small of my back? What does it sound like when he’s singing
in the shower or talking on the phone in the next room? What does it smell like when he brings
roses to me, or when he’s cooking dinner for me? And I would just imagine and because I
wanted to have a baby, I imagined like, what might it feel like to have a bowling
ball in your belly and you’re waddling through the kitchen? So I began to imagine this and then I
would ask myself three critical questions. I would ask myself, “Katherine,
what would you need to let go of, in order to make room for this vision to
come to you? What would you need to release
from your life?” A relationship, an old habit, a belief,
toxic dynamics? What would I have to let go of? The second question. “How would you need to grow yourself and
develop yourself in order to be ready, when this relationship comes to you?” How will I need to communicate? How I need to handle my own big emotions
so that I stop being so hot tempered? How do I pace relationships so that I can
build trust rather than just assume trust and then get myself all disappointed? And then the third question is,
what’s my next step? And so I’d go immediately into action. And, you know, I find that when we ask the
universe these questions, a lot of clarity emerges. You have to ask the question first,
but if you ask life, what’s my next step to get to that future,
which looks impossible from this perspective,
you will start to intuitively know what that next step is. So I wasn’t having burning bush
experiences. I would get up from my
meditation cushion and I’d suddenly
notice, for the very first time, that in my apartment,
there were only pictures of single women nobly staring off into space. So I took the girls down and I put them in
the closet. I put up new pictures that represented
community, and love, and relationship, and togetherness. I started to…one day I just got inspired
to clean out my closet so that he would have a place to put his things. I noticed that I had my bed,
which was a double bed, but I had it pushed up against the wall so
that you could only get into it from one side. So I feng shui the bedroom,
I turned the bed catty corner, I put two night tables there. But really what started to happen was
actually deeper. Like, I started to see all of the
inconsistencies within me, I started to inquire into, well,
what are the parts of me that don’t actually want a relationship? Well, I actually really discovered that I
love my freedom and I didn’t really want to be dominated by someone else’s agenda
or their needs. I also saw that I had a belief in this
either or kind of universe, where either I got to have a mission
oriented career, I got to be a creative person, a force of nature in this
universe, or I got to be in a relationship. See, but once I made it conscious,
then I could say to myself, okay, well, that’s option A and option B,
what about option C? Like, what would it look like to actually
have a relationship where you can become more than you are because you’re so loved,
and you’re so supported, and you have someone in your corner who’s
always rooting for you. It was like a new concept. But I also began to see all the ways that
my past was in my present and preventing me from actually manifesting that future. I saw the ways that I was still holding on
to resentment, where I was still victimized by things that had happened to
me. God bless you, God bless you. Where I was still victimized by, like,
past boyfriends. I mentioned that I had a nonprofit and I
had a big resentment, at this time, towards my co-partner,
which we had dissolved the organization and I had a lot anger towards him about
how that happened. Because originally, it was my idea and my
vision, it was quite a beautiful vision, what we were doing. We were actually bringing songwriters down
to skid row to co-write music about people’s transformation. And then we were supporting them to rejoin
the community by giving them a sense of belonging, it was really quite lovely. And it became a thing in the LA music
community. We had like a thousand musicians
participate. It lasted for five years,
it was a big deal. It was beautiful. We had star artists recording the songs. But when I left, you know, he was
kind of my half in, half out boyfriend. So we had a lot of turmoil. And when we ended our relationship,
my worst fear happened and he kept the organization, and then
he did nothing with it, so it died. So I was seething about this. Now, I knew I didn’t want to bring this
into my next relationship but inside of giving up victimization,
inside of this commitment, I actually asked myself for really,
the first time, “Katherine, what was your part in that?” And again, when you ask,
all the answers come. And I suddenly saw that really,
when I was given that vision in the beginning, I didn’t actually
believe in myself. And so I didn’t know him
very well at the time. We went out to dinner,
I told him about the vision, I really wanted to just suss out whether
he thought it was a viable thing to do. He loved the vision. And I just made him a full on partner,
50% right off the bat. I didn’t keep the 51%. I just gave it away because I didn’t
believe in myself. And that was a turning point in my life
because for years, I’d been giving things away and devaluing myself,
and not believing in my own creativity. And when I finally took responsibility,
I saw it was actually all me. I’d given away my power to him constantly. And I discovered in that moment that we
only resent people to the extent that we give our power away to them. And I forgave myself by making a vow to
never ever devalue my contribution again. And that changed my life for the better. Today he’s a very good friend of mine. The other thing I looked at is old
agreements that were anchoring me in the past. You know, old agreements are the kind of
unspoken, almost unconscious agreements that we make, like, my sister is the
pretty one, I’ll just be the smart one. Or I don’t want to be happier in love than
my mother was because my mother, you know, deserves to have company in her misery. The agreement that I saw was to an old
boyfriend who I had broken up with over 20 years before that. It was my high school boyfriend, Frank,
and we were very in love all through high school and we even had names picked out
for our kids. We were in for the long haul. But when I graduated high school,
it just became clear, we had two different paths to go. I wanted to go to college, he didn’t. He wanted to go into the business of his
family. So we part ways in this very dramatic way. And it was, you know,
terribly Shakespearean in my heart. And I couldn’t bear the thought of never
being with him again. So I made a pledge to him. I said, “I’ll tell you what,
we’ll go our separate ways now. But when we’re in our 60s,
we’ll come back together again, and then we’ll get married.” Which made sense to me when I was 18. But it obviously didn’t register for him
because he went out and just got married the next year, and then had three children
and a very successful life. But, you know, I dreamt about
him for 20 years. And I realized, wow,
there’s a part of me still hoping, still holding out that maybe one day,
and I’m keeping myself single because I’m thinking maybe one day it will happen. I also noticed the toxic relational
dynamics that had been habitual, which very often happens in family
relationships. So all of these things, you know,
that needed to get up leveled, and cleared up, and I needed to start
telling the truth, and I needed to start setting boundaries. I basically needed to start showing up
consistently in a way that was consistent with the future that I was committed to
creating and have my loyalty there. But the biggest block to love was that my
own sense of self was incongruent with that future fulfilled. You see, when I was a child,
I was born to a teenage mother, my parents got married because they had
to, it was back in the 50s. But they didn’t like each other very much,
so they fought a lot. And they fought so much that they ended
up having this very antagonistic, hostile separation. And so my father left. Eventually I lost connection with him
entirely, even though he was kind of the love of my life. And my mother was young and in college,
and it was back before people knew any better, so she would leave me home in
an empty apartment at night when she went out partying with her friends,
because they thought it was okay to do that back then. And then I was a latchkey kid,
which basically meant that for years, I came home after school and I was alone
in the house, I was an only child. So I had formed this deep sense of myself
as fundamentally alone in this world, that no one would ever really be there for
me, that I would never really get my needs met by anybody. And inside of…now, I think a lot of us
know these kind of core wounds and the meaning that we make,
and then the mishegoss that it kind of creates in our lives. But what was different about this time,
because I’m owning myself as the source, I asked myself, “How am I the source of
keeping this story alive? How is it that I have managed to stay on
my own for all of these years?” So in other words, I wouldn’t even be
victimized by my own consciousness. I wanted to know how it was actually
happening through me and not just to me. And inside of that inquiry,
I started to see very clearly, well, number one, that I would get involved with
people who would predictably not be able to be there for me because they were
committed elsewhere. Number two, that I had lowered my
expectations so much that I didn’t even bring my deeper feelings and needs to the
relationship. I would just be the one who
gave all the time. In a way, that was kind of a safer
position because it was the power position. I’d never really have to experience the
disappointment of people not being there for me. I perfected the art of self-sufficiency. I rarely asked for support. I didn’t let people into my inner world. And so when I saw that, clearly,
I asked myself, “Sweetheart, what’s actually true about this story,
that you’re all alone and no one will ever be there for you, and everyone
will always leave?” And I realized it wasn’t even true. It was a myth that I had made up as a
child and was living into that story and perpetuating that story and how I was
showing up over and over and over again. And so I woke myself up out of this story. And I asked myself, “What is more true
than that story?” And what I came to is that I came here to
love and be loved, and I have the power to learn how, to have rich,
deep connections with others that grow over time. And then I asked myself, “And how will I
be showing up to create that?” And I started to take the risk to show up
in ways that felt completely outside of who I’ve known myself to be. I would be vulnerable,
I would be transparent. I started to actively take on breaking up
that structure. I started to take on projects that were
bigger than me, that I would have to work with other people, and have to become
reliant upon people, interdependent with people. And I started living into that future at
the level of identity. And that was the biggest shift. Because the moment I started to do that,
guess what? People actually started to be there for me
at a whole different level. People started telling me,
“I am so relieved that you’re finally opening up to us, that we finally get to
be there for you.” And that just rocked my world because it
wasn’t how I knew it to be. So every insight that I had went into an
action, immediately. How can I put this to good use? How can I show up differently? What can I do to generate life from the
future backwards? And several weeks into this process,
I called up a friend from my group and I said, “I’m really getting impatient
because it’s the end of March, my birthday is August. He’s not here yet.” She said, “Why don’t you go online,
Katherine.” Now, that’s a normal thing now,
20 years ago, that was not a normal thing. Twenty years ago, people didn’t even have
their pictures up online, if you can even imagine such a time. Twenty years ago, still, like,
one step above the personal ads in the newspaper, you know,
like a Lonely Hearts Club kind of feeling. But I did it. I did because I was coachable. I went online, there was only really one
dating site, but it had a quarter of a million people. It doesn’t even exist anymore. Had a quarter of a million people. And I start reading through the profiles,
and I ended up responding to only one person, completely anonymously. You know, back then they had handles,
you know, like, no names or any identifying characteristics, no pictures. But, you know, “Two Hearts Beating is
One,” was like the handle. So I responded in awkward, a little email,
and then that was it for me. That was as much as I could tolerate. And the next day when I woke up,
this gentleman had written me back, and it went straight into my email box and
his name was in parentheses. And it was the man I had dated six years
earlier, who for years, I had thought of as the one that got away. And we went out on a coffee date and
within a matter of hours, I knew he was the one, I was calling in. We got married the next year,
I gave birth to our daughter. And at that point, I thought, “Okay,
this can’t just be a personal miracle.” So I went back and I started to try and
decipher what I had done. And I saw that I started with a really big
bold intention, and that I followed it with taking complete responsibility for
myself as the source of my experience. And the third thing that I did is that I
aligned my identity with my future self and began living from that sense of self. And the fourth thing is that I saw myself
as a co-creator of this process. I wasn’t just passively praying for love,
or hoping for love, or waiting for it to happen. I started to show up in a way that was
aligned with my intuitive knowing, that was breaking up the old patterns,
and that was giving me optimal opportunity to manifest that miracle. So I wrote a book about it. And that becameCalling in the One.I had no platform at the time. I was kind of a newbie psychotherapist. I took seven years to get licensed. And I had just gotten my license and I
wrote a book. And within four months,
it became a national bestseller. So here I have the great husband,
I have the baby, I have the national bestselling book, we bought our dream
house. Thousands of people started coming to me
to teach them how to manifest love. I was kind of living happily ever after to
the hilt. I had it down. And then, of course, a decade in,
we decided to get unmarried. So I had a little PR problem on my hands. And I didn’t know if I was going to be
able to come back from it, but I wasn’t willing to stay married for
PR reasons. I needed to live an authentic life,
and so I trusted the process. And Mark and I decided to get unmarried,
not because anything was so horrible in our marriage, but because we’d really
grown apart. And we felt that what was really strongest
between us was co-parenting our daughter. Now, I’ll tell you, when we first decided
this, I was terrified it was going to be like past breakups because I have had some
very bad breakups. You know, we had Frank who I dreamt about
for 20 years. I had another breakup in there where I
started smoking again, I didn’t eat or sleep for a year,
half the hair on my head fell out. It was very, very traumatic. So I was afraid of that happening. But the biggest fear I had was that my
daughter was going to be damaged, because we all know that divorce damages
children and certainly, my parents’ divorce did a lot of crazy
stuff to me. And I saw, you know,
Mark also had had parental alienation, his parents got divorced. So we were very sensitive to this. And the other thing I noticed at this time
is that I did feel, I mean, socially embarrassed,
double so because ofCalling in the One,but I also felt a shame that I knew a lot
of other people feel at the end of a breakup. And so one day, I was just sitting with
this sense of shame. And what I know about shame is, you know,
guilt is when we violate our own internal rules, but shame is when we
violate the rules of our culture, when we’re not being who we’re supposed to
be in this life. And so I thought about it, you know,
and I wondered, whose standards am I holding myself accountable to? And that’s when I realized that we’re all
kind of inside of the happily ever after myth. So I got curious about that and I went to
research that. Like, who made this story up anyway,
because we have it, like, God made the mountains, God made the sun,
and God made happily ever after. And what I discovered is that it’s a 400
year-old myth that started not far from here, in Venice, Italy,
when the life conditions were exceptionally different than
they are today. First of all, the lifespan was less than
40 years of age. There was certainly no mobility where
people were moving around. There was very little choice. Half the children were struggling with
illness to the point where only half of them would become 16. The rest would die. You know, in that world, okay,
probably smart to keep the parents together. And you also notice in happily ever after,
that there is this expectation of upward mobility because all of happily ever
after, you know, is about a pauper, a commoner, marrying a noble person. Well, did you know in Venice, Italy,
400 years ago, that there was actually a law on the books that would
prevent such a marriage? So that if you were born in poverty,
you were most certainly going to die in poverty. So we have to realize that these cultural
constructs come out of the life conditions of the day. And when I thought about it like that,
I realized, well, the life conditions of our time is serial monogamy. I’m not promoting serial monogamy,
but most of us are slated to have two or three very significant relationships in
our lifetime. Those are the statistics. So I thought, well, we’re up-leveling our
exercise programs, and our diets, and our educational practices. Shouldn’t we maybe consider up-leveling
our separation practices? You know, even though I’m pro-marriage,
I’m not pro-misery, and I’m certainly not pro-hostile divorce because I know what
that does to children. So Mark and I got together and we decided
that we were going to align upon the possibility that our daughter could have a
happy childhood. And that we could actually create a
happy-even-after family. And a post-divorce family that was
cohesive, and kind, and contained, where she wouldn’t have to choose sides,
or she wouldn’t have to deal with the festering resentments. Now, there was some inner work that we had
to do in order to do that. And the inner work was that we had to
manage our emotions, you know, because there’s almost a biological
component when we’re breaking up with people. Psychologists call it a rupture of
attachment. It can be a very traumatic thing. And most of us know that we can behave
uncharacteristically bad at the end of love and do things that we later regret
terribly. Or we see that other people
have done that to us. The Japanese have a saying that says,
“You don’t know your wife until you divorce her.” So I created these steps that allowed us
to do this well, that would allow us to live in alignment with our ethics as
opposed to our overwhelming emotions, so that we could show up in integrity with
who we actually are, and even a positive future happening,
not just for ourselves, but for everyone involved. So finding emotional freedom,
learning how to manage those emotions and actually take the negative energy and
transform them into good. Or reclaiming our power in our life,
which is really about noticing the deep dark resentments that we hold on to. And let me just tell you something,
if you are a person who’s struggling with resentment, it’s probably because
somebody behaved badly. See, we just have to validate the hurt
that we’ve experienced relationally. It happened. You know, it did happen,
it was a violation. So we don’t want to skip over that,
but we don’t want to be dominated by it. So I like to say, even if someone was 97%
wrong, you want to look at your 3%, because that’s what you can
get your life from. Because you look at that 3%, you say,
“Okay, even though, you know, that person was a narcissist,
and they were malignant, and they did all this stuff to me. The truth is, is that,
I was giving my power away to that person. I was pretending to be less than who I am. I was ignoring my own deeper knowing. I was dismissing my feelings and needs in
service to taking care of the perceived feelings and needs of someone else.” See, once you start to look at your 3%,
that’s a very consuming place to be putting your attention. We have a lot of work to do on ourselves
on that 3%. So, you know, forgiveness is an organic
process, when you really wake up to yourself as the co-creator of a
dynamic and you make an amends to yourself. You promise yourself that from this moment
forward, I will always live in integrity with the truth of who I am. I will always honor my deeper knowing and
take responsibility for myself. I will always negotiate for my needs. I will always take responsibility for
presencing myself. Right? So you can get your life out of that
moment. And know that your whole life is going to
change not just in intimate love, but everywhere because you’ve been doing
it everywhere. There’s also the insult to identity that a
breakup is, where once you were, you know, the most wanted person in the world. And now suddenly, you feel rejected,
you’re deeply unwanted. And we tend to default to what I call your
source fracture story, which is the original wounding
in your heart. So breakups have broken us open to have a
complete transformation at the level of identity. And to begin to see how we have been
duplicating old wounds in that relationship. And if you can really take responsibility
for yourself as the source, you could even start to see how you almost
set somebody up to fail you in the same ways. See, this is really the truth. This is the truth and this truth is what
does set us free. Because we can finally go back to that
original story, that consciousness that we landed upon about who we are in
relationship. And we can begin to challenge that part of
us and recognize the deeper truth of ourselves as worthy, as powerful,
as already deeply loved. And we can begin to mentor that younger
self in our body so that he or she is no longer running the show. And we can start to show up in our power,
in our integrity, and in our authenticity in relationships. So those are the first three steps that
are internal. The fourth and fifth is about how to
create peace, how to generate cohesion, how to create healing,
how to dissolve the resentments between you, how to set up structures
where everyone gets to win moving forward, how to align your community on the new
form of relationship. And so I wrote all of this down too. And when I wrote all of this down,
Gwyneth Paltrow heard about it and she popped it into the lexicon,
and the whole world suddenly knew about this new alternative to
antagonistic, hostile divorce, and it started a global conversation that
didn’t exist before I wrote it down, and created conscious uncoupling. So how would a world leader of love and
light order her morning coffee? About a year ago, I decided that it was
time for me to call in the next one. And I felt a little insecure about it
because, you know, I’m a little older and now I’m well known and I have, you know,
a big life, and who in the world could match me. And I’m such a specialty item. You know, we all have all these reasons
about why it’s for other people and not for us. If I went through the room,
I’d hear your reason about why it’s for other people and not for you. So I decided though to put one foot in
front of the other, and my version of a vision board was to resurrect my singing
career and to create an album called “Lucky in Love.” And I had the good fortune of working with
the Koren brothers who our dear friend, Monique Dubois, who’s coming on the stage
later also works with. And they are these two Australian angel
people who get up underneath singers and begin to collaborate with them,
and kind of create musical magic. And so I shared with them that I had this
vision of wanting to do this album as a form of weaving a new future into
existence. And so they partnered with me and I
managed to write the breakup song, the forgiveness song,
the getting into the consciousness of love song, the early stage
of dating song. I even managed to write the, oh,
I might be falling for you song. But what I couldn’t write was the having
of love song. I just was like frozen, blocked,
so it was getting procrastinated and suddenly, I needed to wash the kitchen
floor like that. So I called up Isaac, one of the brothers. I said, “I’m really stumped. And where I’m stumped is that I’m in a
place of non-possibility. I’m feeling a little emotionally centered
in resignation here.” You know, even the queen ofCalling in
the One
needs support from her friends. We all need each other to hold the high
watch for each other. So he talked to me for maybe
about an hour. And at the end of the hour, it opened,
the door opened, because he listened to all my story, and all the past,
and all the reasons why. And he got it. He witnessed it and then we went right
into possibility together. So when I got off the phone,
I was able to write this beautiful song of the having of love. And I just want to sing the first verse. I’m hoping I can sing right now. ♪ Sitting by the fire on a Saturday night
Reading David White by the flickering ♪ ♪ light
I look up and you’re smiling ♪ ♪ It’s only been a year since the night
that we wed ♪ ♪ When we danced till dawn and lay flowers
in our bed ♪ ♪ As the sun started rising… ♪ And then the lyric continues. Thank you. Thank you. Could we grow roots like a tree? Go as deep as the sea together. Could we expand like the sky and sail
right on by bad weather? For once in my life,
I can hear the music to my song. Everything’s right. As I listen to you sing along,
harmonize on and on. I love you. And so we went into the recording studio,
and by the way, for those of you don’t know who David White is, he’s a beautiful,
prolific poet. So we went into the recording studio and
we recorded it, we called the song “I love You,” which never felt
quite right. But it was the only…it was like a, okay,
well, I can’t think of another name so we’ll call it “I Love You.” And a few weeks later, I met Michael. Through another crazy, circuitous,
shouldn’t really happen this way, wasn’t expecting it, didn’t see it coming,
didn’t try and make it happen, just showed up. And we fell deeply in love. Three weeks into our courtship,
without knowing about this song, Michael sent me a David White poem. And so now we’re building our beautiful
lives together. And of course, you know,
I’ve grown myself richer, and deeper, and wiser because I’m always leaning into
who I would need to become. And so what’s possible in the relationship
is a different kind of depth than I’ve ever experienced before. So, the four things about how to manifest
a miracle. Okay?
Four things. Number one, stop boring God with your
little tiny visions. Go for something that’s completely
impossible. Go for something that is bigger than you
are, and that you have no way of knowing how that could ever possibly happen,
because I think we inspire the angels when we do that. You unleash all sorts of synchronicity and
magic when you do that. So start with a big, big, big vision. Put it out there, and if you want to have
a lot of urgency in your life, put it in time. “This shall be so, I’m going to make my
first million dollars within one year.” And it’s kind of like, go, you’re on. You see, because when you put a big vision
into the future, it almost begins to pull you into who you need to be,
what you need to do. It begins to give you your actions and who
you actually… And it informs you about the ways you need
to grow and develop immediately with an urgency. Number two, is you want to be living your
life as though you are the source of it. Now, it’s not like we’re not victimized,
we’re victimized by a lot. It’s a choice to live in a way where you
see yourself as the source of everything. How am I the source of it? Don’t get caught up in the negativity of
victimization because you’ll get stuck there. You want to always ask,
how did I give my power away? What was my part in this? How might I reclaim my power? Sometimes not being victimized is just,
well, who am I going to be in the face of this? Because there really wasn’t anything that
you did to create it. But it’s the most powerful creative way to
live life. Creativity begins where
victimization ends. There is no creativity in victimization,
there is only reaction, there is not creation. The third thing, the most important thing
is you must align your vision with the self of your future fulfilled. We cannot receive into our lives that
which is inconsistent with our identity to have. We absolutely can’t. And if you look at your life,
you’re going to see that there are things that are easy for you to manifest,
and if you look at the identity you have in there, you’re going to see that you
kind of expect these things to come to you, expect that you can make money,
or make friends, or that your health is going to be good, that you’re always going
to have another job, you’ll land on your feet. Some of you expect love, and you get it. Maybe everyone in your family always had
that thing. Maybe you were always told you were good
at that particular thing. The things that we struggle with in life
are those things that are outside of our identity to have. And when I talk about identity,
what I’m really talking about is the self that you formed in response to the traumas
that you went through. And it might be generational. You might inherit an identity from your
mother’s trauma, or your grandmother’s trauma,
or your grandfather’s trauma. It works that way. So we don’t have to resolve all the trauma
in our lives before we can have what we desire. What we need to do is to stop identifying
and being defined by that trauma, and to awaken to who we actually are. Because the fulfillment of your vision is
outside of that old story, and you want to start to define your life
according to the future that you’re committed to creating,
and not what you’ve endured in your past. And then the fourth thing is to awaken to
yourself as a co-creator of that future fulfilled, to give up, you know,
praying for, hoping for, wishing for, waiting for someone to invite you,
waiting to be noticed. You want to begin to generate that future
inside of the actions you’re taking, the choices that you’re making. You want to start to hold yourself
accountable for being who you need to be in order to fulfill upon that future and
begin acting on it. And don’t fall into the trap of thinking
that psychological insight has anything to do with action. Psychological insight is great,
but it’s only the beginning of the journey. We have to make an effort to evolve
ourselves beyond that story. So really, my message here today is just
to tell you that the past doesn’t define what’s possible for you at all. It informs who you are today,
but it doesn’t define you. What actually defines you is the future
that you’re standing for creating. So be bold, be brave,
take action in that direction and let the magic begin. Thank you very much. Thank you.

96 thoughts on “Calling in the One: How to Attract You Ideal Lover | Katherine Woodward Thomas”

  1. What do YOU need to let go of to create your ideal love relationship? 💏 Watch Katherine's FREE Masterclass on Conscious Uncoupling 👉

  2. The Universe is not in a hurry. You are. It’s why you’re tired, it’s why you’re anxious, stressed, and disappointed. Trust that what was meant to be yours, will be yours Unrush yourself. Hope our channel helps you on your journey!!!

  3. Thank you! Beautiful speech! I don’t even know where to start….I hope I can get it together before I’m too old.

  4. Omg! My friend and I were talking about this today…
    I love the universe 😍💙 am going to share this with her right now

  5. If only I could magicly ❤ this 1000 X… !!! 😃 I admire your sharing of your vulnerability, such open ness..😼 👏
    Loving the relateability.. 😼

  6. Thanks so much for the awesome video 🔥 This will definitely help me improve my Mindset, Business, and Life!! Keep it up! 💯💯🙌

  7. Thanks so much for the awesome video 🔥 This will definitely help me improve my Mindset, Business, and Life!! Keep it up! 💯💯🙌

  8. THANK YOU for the help of the tremendous healing.. ☺😃
    Such Thought provoking questions.. 🤔
    Here's some highlights people :

    "What's your part in the break up even if it's 3%..?

    "How did I give my power away"?

    "Don't identify with your trauma"

    & it was totally worth the time… 😎🙄

  9. When you are destined for something in life there is no one and nothing can stop that💫🌈🌈☀️☀️🙏

  10. This video… I have been watching it 3 times.. And going for the forth to let it all sink in… wow.
    I completely utterly love this!

  11. This was such an amazing video, it had the answers to the question I had, really amazing…..
    Thanks for uploading this!!!!!

  12. Thank You for sharing that Beautiful G i f t of Selfless G i v i n g of Your Self .. I L o v e Y o u..for showing me how deep l need to cleen up and just how h i g h M u s t l Aim.. and that l now have to c h o o s e The n e w Way that l never choosed before to r i s e out of this unconscious self into the Conscious B e i n g..

  13. I truely love with someone who and what i needed she have in her like some attraction, fulfillments, entire the world happiness is seems me in her, but what should i do now coz she going to marrying with some one else, how can i express her probably, i just need her and i can try until she knows completly plz suggest me if you have any ways to get her…

  14. I loved Katherine's transparency about her relationships. Also, she provided great tips on co-creating our lives to include the love we desire.

  15. Wow! She looks like my mother, and I look like my mother also 😊 What a beautiful story abou Frank, so cute. Thx Katherine

  16. From my life experience,your life partner is your gift or punishment is in your hands.When you are selecting life partner,if you select in lust, your life is miserable.If you select in love you will be happy for ever.Many people lost their happiness by wrong selection of their life partners.



  18. I find the video educating and what I call, bring what is important to face as an individual and to turn the process of thinking that will change our actions and to have a better and positive route to the outcome. Ppl realize what mistakes were made and does not repeat them but that is like an indirect negative-poaitive feedback, sorta speak. Bad choice-negative..nonrepeated choice-positve feedback, right? However, I think if ppl chose to carefully analyze why they made the mistake, do they jump before they know how deep the water is or what could be in the water If they fell in..the negative choices should be thought of while deciding to make choices, think of the positive choices the decision has to offer…what affects will this have on me and who else can be affected by my choices? I would ask yourself what thinking process do I use when facing choices and do I need to change my way of thinking to make better decisions? I don't justify that everyone makes mistakes so I can not make that decision and move on. That's just it….start reprogramming your thinking process to avoid not the mistake you already made but to make better decisions in the future and understand the actions or behaviors of others that will make you aware that they might make the same mistake you made and to step in advise them about the experience you…if you wait until it happens than speak up, it's to late to give any insight on the bad choice. You cant comfort you can only familiarize yourself with her on the fact you both made a mistake. If you don't notice when someone is contemplating a bad decision, try to advise them the understanding of why it is a bad decision and what they can learn from it even before they act on it. Helps them approach a decision at a different perspective.
    "If you have to hurry, you might as well wait." TdE
    Advice I gave my kids frowning up, still do at times but I find myself stating my phrase more and more to kids and adults.

  19. Self-development 101. Too basic for you if you're already woke. The ultimate message: take responsibility for your self, show up in your power, resolve your resentments, Feng Shui your home.

  20. 1) make bold Intention
    2) take responsibility as the source of your experiences
    3) align your identity now with your future self and live accordingly
    4) see yourself as co-creator

  21. I had a thought this afternoon that if I wanted a partner in my life, I better transfer my messy bedroom into a tidy, organized, spiritual space. I realized it was going to be a slow process and that I’d need some entertainment in the background, via YouTube.

    After choosing a true crime video to listen to, I casually clicked on the MindValley ad that opened before the crime video started. After seeing dozens of MV ads, this was the first I’ve ever actually clicked on.

    I was astounded as the talk started – it was so on point, with an empowering message I’m so ready to hear, that I’m still in shock and so happy that I manifested something so perfect via my subconscious.

    Thank you MV and Katherine for this content and thank universe for always taking care of me.

  22. Thanks for sharing this video Katherine and lots of gratitude to MindValley team. I was totally connected to every bit of thing Katherine Woodward was sharing felt great at how the dots were getting connected.

  23. This wonderful lady is my true inspiration. She radiates the love she's preaching. I really advice everyone to listen to her Audio: "Calling in the one", you will not regret it. It changed me and after 1 year I really want to listen to it again.

  24. Thank's for Mindvalley for sharing with us this angelic insights in different fields…and a Huge thanks for 'Katherine' for being generous by sharing with us her own story and giving us the opportunity to learn from our own mistakes and moving forward..because a lot of them are universal mistakes. I'm realy speechless because I was in the dynamic of asking 'what's wrong with me?' and I've ' located' my mistakes thanks to you 'Katherine' it's time to get into action, I'll start by considering the option C and adding it into the affirmation words that I sticked on my desk and reading them at least twice a day…because it starts on the unconscious level right!!!

  25. I love my freedom and don't want to be dominated by someone else's agenda or needs! Yup. Sadly, too frequently the only relationship option for straight women.

  26. Wow, I feel like she's speaking about me, like I am looking at myself in the future…….and she's born in August too haha

  27. Less goals, more serendipity feels right for me. We all need to live our own unique lives. Her way is one way. Yours is another way, a fabulous creation tucked into the great universal web.

  28. You are so amazingly authentic and courageous to share your intimate inner dialogues and process with the world! Thank you for sharing. You're very inspiring!

  29. ''I feel emotionally centred in a place of resignation'' – I feel like that. But it's ok isn't it? Better than what went before.

  30. Thank you so much for sharing! This has changed and continue to change many people’ life in building their dream into a reality!

  31. Each sentence Katherine has said is life transforming!! Wow!! 💕 I am already on the path to getting healed within an hour. So profound, already texted to my soon to be ex that I take responsibility for my actions but am surely moving away from the toxic drama. Releasing him from the burden too! 🌻

  32. What a F'N BORE this lady is………..blah blah blah……….and "full of herself" to boot. And, some people don't GIVE THEIR POWER AWAY……THEY NEVER HAD IT TO BEGIN WITH DUE TO CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND EARLY CONDITIONING…………WOW!!!! Something about this talk makes me want to RUN………..SOME PEOPLE ARE ONLY FINDING THEIR POWER NOW AT AGE 61.

  33. It’s funny because I literally just heard some one say to never accept a coffee date it won’t work out … you’re worth more than just a cup of bean juice but that’s all it took to take you off the market ? Lol

  34. This woman Katherine is claiming to know so much, but she's fluff. She's a princess. She's not tough enough to endure. She's not my role model. When you've married someone because of Love the connection between the two people runs deeeep and loooong, even if you don't want to do it anymore. There are things between you that would take lifetimes to unveil. Marriage is a unique landscape with much potential. Getting a divorce because "we've grown apart" cuts that off in the middle (or the beginning, depending).

    When you stay in– ie, stay married– even though you've "grown apart," or whatever it is– it could be because "not in love anymore," etc– when you stay in you get the opportunity to continue watching the unfoldment. Within this unique opportunity, deeper levels of yourself, deeper levels of your spouse, and deeper levels of your dynamic with each other appear… endlessly. For those who want to truly Shift to align with your soul, this is a great place. Staying in marriage is an extremely powerful mirror. Those who are the very closest to us are reflecting us back to ourselves more than anyone else. But that opportunity is lost if you leave. If you want to take a Real and Good Look At Yourself you gotta stay in. It's f***ing hard to do AND this is where we can adjust and grow tremendously. If you knew my circumstances you'd say "look at you– you can do a lot better," and " you deserve better" because the culture of the moment says "we can throw this one away and get a new one– it'll be better." But I know there's gold for my soul here in this place of staying.

    The key to being able to stay lies in eventually coming around to realizing and owning up to what I'm contributing to the problems– ironically, I'm actually creating my own resentment… I'm creating my feelings of lack of respect… I'm leaving myself lonely… etc. I can recognize this and shift myself to healthier over time. This opportunity comes up over and over and over again when you stay. I'm discovering that my deepest needs ultimately cannot be met by another person– only by my connection to the Divine. I used to want to get away from the hell that marriage can be. I've wanted to leave off and on the whole time– almost 30 years. When I re-center myself in God I see that my environment, including my spouse, is my stage– the place where I'm letting go of carnal attachments, including co-dependence on spouse (I need this from you, and I deserve that from you…).

    Turns out I'm actually not here to get everything I think I want– all the loving attention I want… a man who takes care of me… someone who stimulates me in some ways or others… whatever. Looking back, I'm always glad I've stayed. In the face of adversity, that includes irony, I've been building some powerful muscles that are rich for my soul– Self-Reliance in various ways; Understanding, Kindness, Forgiveness, Compassion– that he doesn't necessarily seem to "deserve" … Love comes from my heart more selflessly than I've ever felt before because I Stay and Shift

  35. The Questions to ask yourself:

    1. What would you need to let go of in order for this vision to come true? (A relationship, habit, toxic dynamic…)
    2. How would you need to grow & develop yourself in order to be ready when this relationship comes to you? How will I Jeff to communicate abs handle my big emotions? How would I build trust instead of assume trust?
    3. Ask the universe (or your higher self) What’s my next step to get to that future, which looks impossible from this perspective?
    4. What are the parts of me that don’t actually want a relationship?
    5. What was my part in that (bad relationship or situation)? How am I the source of keeping disempowering stories alive about myself and love? How am I the source of that?
    6. How can I show up differently? What can I do to generate life from the future into now? (So that I can align my identity with my future self and begin living from that sense of self)

    *Guilt is when we violate our own internal rules. Shame is when we violate the rules of our culture.

    7. Who’s standards am I holding myself accountable to? Mine or my culture’s?
    8. How can I reclaim my power?

    *We cannot receive into our lives that which is inconsistent with our identity to have.

  36. You are telling my story with a few changes. I’m sitting here crying because I’m so happy that I learned to love me. You and I have the same core wounds. They can be healed.

  37. OMG! Your story resonates with me so completely. The thing I want the most is deep, rich connections with others and yet I am this self sufficient queen,and with a history of experiencing the rough blows in life alone. This saddens me because I know I am strong and I know I am there for myself but it would be nice if there was someone else there for me, but I have never had that experience in my life. And I want that, so thank you for what you said, it has opened so many possibilities in my life for claiming this and making it real.

  38. Same here on attracting the wrong men but I’m grateful things are changing! Yes love yourself I did my work and meditate everyday love ❤️

  39. so, how many men you had in your life, 10, 20,, 30 ? you must be proud of yourself !! what is the divorce rate in america now? it was 50% divorce rate in america about 10, 15 years back, i think !!!! what is the rate now? i also gathered that 60% of the divorcees re-married !!!!! i am not sure how many of re-married ones divorced now …god only knows !!!!! so, people say ''skin to skin, no sin''. so carry on !!!!!! love means nothing to some people…only sex and sex is the order of the day as i see it. no solution….. this is the modern world….carry on regardless. why all these bad happenings !!!!! you haven't changed yourself, that's why…..second time round you end up with bad one, third time you end up with worst one, fourth time you you end up with more worst one, and so on….try to change yourself first…that's all i can say … you can start with '' surrender'', next be a ''woman'', next have ''compassion'', next find ''time'' to be with a man who came across you…if you want love ''be there for him''. is it a good testimony to part after 10 years !!!!! oh boy !!!!! it won't get any worse !!!!!

  40. Big vision? something impossible? I did something I never thought I would do it: try a long distance relationship with a 12 years younger guy, a muslim (I never envisioned myself with a muslim). Guess what happened? he cheated on me, lied to me and he didn't want a relationship with me actually although the things between us were showing a relationship. So trying something you never thought you would do it it is not the key of success

  41. Absolutely incredible! This is literally the toolbox that will lead one towards a better life. This answers all the questions that one might have about achieving ones dreams… Thank you!!!!

  42. Isn`t it just genius that from our childhood wounds (what we didn`t have) we can get the deepest desires of what we do want? And at the same time – as long as we`re living in that old story of lack we`re sabotaging ourselves and not getting what we want?
    So then our only option is to transform that old story/programming inside of us to become not what we were made but who we need to be. This is a step of evolution because instead of being created (and then living by that programming) we are becoming creators. The universe has created a perfect transformation unit – transforming lack and pain into abundance and love: Ourselves. And thereby it transforms itself/evolves its own consciousness through every one of its (then conscious) cells: Us. What an incredible design of the creative force/God to keep his creation evolving towards higher consciousness!

  43. You sure? Cause don’t “opposites attract” – 🤣🤣🤣 This is a woman who’s never had an orgasm let alone get & keep the “love her life” The key is “the pick”. 😎

  44. I would want to be like her or do like she did. Crazy that she had loyalty to a vow stuck in youth tern feelings. He was married. She should have gotten over at least 4 yrs over. Not good. Poor her childhood life. I was alone just like a latchkey kid. I don't know how to do that. Lost a lot of time. I need to work on self this year, so setting datefor age 48. Yes no happily ever after. We only should care of what is best for us not what society says.

  45. You know those moments in life when something happens and you know your life will never be the same again after that? Listening to this talk is one of those moments for me.

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