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Nespresso Controversy, Taliban Agreement & New York Pay Phone Removal | The Daily Show


Coffee. It’s the drink you have
when you’re sleepy so you can poop yourself awake. (laughter) But one coffee company is
in trouble for how they get that coffee
to you. The famous pitch man for
a coffee giant, George Clooney, is speaking out
after that company was linked to a child labor scandal. MAN 2: As Nespresso’s
brand ambassador, George Clooney has been
the face of the company. Now he’s using his voice to say he’s surprised
and saddened by child labor allegations
raised against suppliers
to the coffee maker. Clooney is already responding, saying that progress
has been made, but “Clearly the board and this
company still have work to do. And that work will be done.” Yes, Nespresso has been accused of using child labor
to make their coffee, which is disappointing,
but, also, not shocking. I mean, why else would
those cups be so tiny? -I mean, those aren’t being made
by adults. -(laughter) And I’ll be honest,
this story really made me angry, because I hate child labor. One–
because it exploits children, and two– because
if a kid messes up on the job, you can’t get mad at them. Yeah. You’re gonna look
like an asshole. There’s no accountability.
Yeah, the kid is just like, “I was supposed
to do a liver transplant, but instead, by mistakes,
I took your kidney.” (laughter) And then you just have
to be like, “What?! “I-I guess you did your best.
Okay. All right, Dr. Kid.” And by the way, it’s funny
how the news seems to care more about what George Clooney has
to say about the scandal than the actual CEO
of Nespresso, right? ‘Cause like,
“George Clooney said this.” Like, yeah,
where’s the boss of Nespresso? It would be like if we found out that McDonald’s was serving
poison beef, and the CEO was like,
“Let me explain.” And you’re like,
“Shut up! Where’s Ronald? -We want to talk to Ronald!”
-(laughter) All right, moving on to
some good news from Afghanistan, -a phrase no one has ever said.
-(laughter) America’s never-ending war
with the Taliban might finally be coming
to an end. America’s longest running war
could finally come to an end. Over the weekend,
the United States signed a deal with the Taliban to end
the nearly two-decade conflict that gripped Afghanistan
in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks and the subsequent
U.S. invasion of the country. The agreement lays out
a time table for the full withdrawal
of U.S. and coalition troops from Afghanistan
within 14 months. In exchange,
the Taliban agreed that it would not allow
Afghan territory to be used by any groups or individuals
to plot future attacks against the United States
and its allies. This is a big deal. The United States and
the Taliban might have a deal. And this is huge. Besides
Taylor Swift and Katy Perry, this might be the biggest peace
agreement of the century. It’s huge. And after 20 years
and two trillion dollars, you have to admit, that’s a lot
of lowered expectations. Yeah? No, ’cause America went in
to Afghanistan like, “We’re taking out the Taliban “and bringing in
Western democracy no matter how long it takes!” And now America’s like,
“Uh, we’re-we’re gonna leave. Um, just, like,
don’t do another 9/11, okay?” (laughter) Now, the deal hasn’t
been concluded yet, because there are still
some things that need to be worked out,
which makes sense. ‘Cause if you think about it, these two countries
have been entwined in a 20-year relationship,
all right? We all know
it’s hard to walk away when you’ve spent
that much time together. So, America, let me… let me give you
some relationship tips. (laughter, whooping) First of all, America, let me just say
I’m-I’m proud of you. You’ve realized that
you’re in a toxic relationship with Afghanistan and…
and you’re ready to get out. Now I want to warn you,
for a while, there’s-there’s gonna be a part
of you that wants to go back and bum them
in the middle of the night, but you stay strong. And you remember,
no matter what you think now, there are plenty of other
Middle Eastern countries out there for you. (cheers and applause) And finally, in some local news
close to my heart, New York City is saying farewell
to one of its oldest residents. New York City is hanging it up, removing the last remaining
pay phones from the streets. City workers will remove
30 pay phones in Hell’s Kitchen alone
by the end of March, then rip out
about 3,000 more pay phones across the five boroughs. Did you know
there were that many left? Yeah, this is a sad day
for New Yorkers. After so many decades, soon, we will no longer have
the pay phone, which means we’ll have to find
somewhere else to get hepatitis. -(laughter)
-And… and, look, I know… I know we don’t need pay phones
anymore, but they were such a big part
of the landscape for so long. You know?
You could count on them if you locked yourself
out of your apartment, or… or if you needed
to call the mafia, and… And, also, like, like, Superman.
You know, like, pay phones. It was cool when he changed
in a phone booth. Those are things that are gone. Although, actually,
now that I think about it, he didn’t have to use that. He could have just flown home
and changed. (laughter) Now that I think about it,
I feel like Superman was just, like,
a secret exhibitionist. You know, he was… Yeah, he was just changing
in the phone booth because he got excited
that someone might catch him. He was just… You know? He was just like,
“Oh, no, you-you saw me naked. “Oh. Oh, man. “Now you’re gonna tell everyone,
‘Big Dick Superman.’ Oh, I hope
they don’t call me that.” It’s like, “Get out of here,
Superman, you pervert!” “Okay, okay, I go…
I’ve got to go “and save a bunch of kids making
tiny coffee cups. (laughs) One last look?
Okay, got to go.”

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